Wednesday, April 19, 2006
The Next Three Years of My Life
So, my husband and I had a discussion today about, basically, the next 3 years of our lives. What I want is to settle down as a mom and maybe do freelance graphic design work for a little extra income. What he wants is to do as many crazy things as possible that spend as much of the money we don't have as possible like: going to China, going to grad school etc.
Okay, maybe I am making this out to be something it's not. I had told him today that he wasn't being considerate of what I want and that he was only thinking about the short term. We talked some more and then I thought about it. It occurred to me that exactly the opposite is closer to the truth. If he stops with the degree he has now, then his option would be to go into the military(and then we'd have a long-distance marriage and possibly leave behind orphans and a widow) or work in some job he hates for an income that would not support the number of children we want. But if he gets his master's of divinity he can work for a church or a ministry and make us both happy while supporting our family. I get my head so full of ideas about what I want that I seldom stop to think that maybe his plan could make sense or maybe it even does match with God's plan.
Who am I to say where either direction would take us? Maybe there's even a third direction that we will go down instead. I promised my husband that I would support him in whatever decision is made. That was something I promised a long time ago. I am bound to that. . . even though I can't see what is coming. . .
In three years will I be a missionary in another country? Will I be ministering in the inner city? Will I be a military wife? What I think is suppoosed to happen has proven unreliable. Even though right now I see myself being called to motherhood as my ministry, that tugging on my heart may have to wait.