Praise Jesus!

Look at this! Its true, or at least I think it is. I will have to run out and buy some a.s.a.p. to find out for sure. That's right. Low-calorie, heart-healthy, good-tasting chocolate.

Political stuff...

As a college-educated American woman, I recognize the importance of choosing the right people to put in our public offices. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I recognize the necessity to pray and seek God before I cast my vote. Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that Barack Obama is all over the media right now. In the past few weeks his website has been extensively updated. I hope everyone will take the time to carefully and prayerfully read where all of our candidates -- presidential and otherwise -- stand on the issues. I found this video (click on the title above) of a speech Sen. Obama gave in a church (be prepared, it is forty minutes long) and I watched the whole thing. At the end of this video, my mind raised even more questions than before. I still have no idea how I feel about this man; I agree with a lot of what he had to say, but I wonder if he is just trying to find some ground where he is pleasing everybody. On the surface, he appears to be someone who is serious about his faith, but I can't really know for sure.

I do think gay marriage isn't really marriage at all, but I also recognize that I cannot change the moral climate of my country by forcing my morality on people. So, I don't necessarily think we can deny gay couples the rights that straight couples have. Only the Holy Spirit and a spiritual revival from the bottom up can cause people to turn to living by God's standards. It isn't something we can always impose on others politically when what they're doing isn't actually getting in the way of other peoples' freedoms. So, in a way, I agree with Sen. Obama about religious people in a pluralistic society.

Am I supposed to adopt someday?

A couple nights ago I had a really vivid dream. I and all my extended family were in some really remote, un-industrialized area. We were on a boat ride when my cousins and I decided to jump into the river for a swim. We swam over into this little alcove and there I found a baby floating in a baby-carrier. To make a long story short I made some make-shift diapers and kept him as my own. I was overjoyed beyond all reason. Looking back on this now, I am pretty sure I just dreamt that I was Moses' adoptive mommy. I think its a sign.

Click on the title above to view an adoption site.

A Lesson on Careers

Last night God revealed something to me.
My new job hasn't been going so well, and I am kinda at odds with my boss. I have only worked one week in the past month because of a messy, complicated situation having to do with where I am going to work. I spent a long time praying for that company and my own situation yesterday. Our finances are a huge mess, since I was counting on that job, but that isn't what has made me so nervous and uneasy. I realized that what my boss cares most about in the world and in his business is money. He doesn't care about the things that truly matter most in this life. I care about families and, in regards to this job, about visual artistic expression. I realized that as long as my boss lacks Christ in his life, we will never ever see eye to eye. We never even be able to communicate freely. Last night I realized that rather than just seeking a job where I can use the stuff I learned in college, I should seek to work for a place that values what I value and cares about what God cares about. That is the only way I will be happy. Believe it or not, the best job I ever had was in the dining center on campus, because it was run by a Godly woman. They valued respect, service, and taking an interest in each other's lives. My eyes were opened to the idea that maybe I need to search for work in non-profit or something that is for the good of the community rather than for the good of the CEO's pocketbook.

On a final note, check out peoplepray.com and pray for your brothers and sisters or be prayed for.

Restless-Hearted

I married a man with a restless heart.

Do you ever have one of those days where your life seems to be so full of craziness that you're certain God is trying to refine your character? Yet, you cannot quite put your finger on what it is you are supposed to have learned from it all? We are in the midst of a predicament. Today is one of those days. The days when I can see my husband's restless heart more clearly than ever. Some might be afraid of this quality, but I think its kinda beautiful. A challenge arises and I have to try to find clarity in the mud.
My husband craves adventure and danger and all sorts of things I can't give him. All I can do is go along for the ride. But God can be his adventure. God challenges his heart and his mind in ways that I will never comprehend. Some days he questions his faith so much I think he just might give up on it. Yet, other days he is willing to risk his whole life and reputation for the cause of the Gospel. All I can do is stand by and watch in awe at the ridiculously adventurous man I married and support him 100% every step of the way, because I know that's my calling. I am not the adventure. I am not the challenge. I am the helper. I'm like Short Round from Indiana Jones. I get to learn from this man and look up to him and even learn more about myself by being with him. And I get to go along for the ride. I view my role as "the helper" in this relationship not as demoralizing, but rather as an honor. I am blessed to be able to do things for him so that, in turn, we give greater glory to God together.
On days like today, I wonder whether this road block in front of us is supposed to be part of the adventure. Or is it a hard lesson I am supposed to learn? Or am I just over-analysing it? Days like today are the days when my husband gets restless. I have to pray for God's peace to guard our hearts and our minds, so that we don't get ourselves into even bigger trouble. Lord knows we can't keep our lives together on our own. And I think God brought us together to pick the other up when one has fallen down. We can give each other wisdom and insight in tough situations. There is always someone there with a second perspective. God knew our personalities would compliment one another so he put us in a situation to cross paths, so that at just the right moment we would be joined in a very special union that I believe even some other married couples do not understand.

I Can't Say I Told You So

I have prayed that somewhat dangerous prayer that God would either change my heart or change my husband's heart. It seems that the conversations that have occurred between my husband and I the past couple of weeks have been the beginning of the answer to that prayer. For me, it means letting go and letting God take control of these situations. No amount of my arguing and complaining is going to change his mind. Rather those things have just made him more stubborn! I am learning that I can best serve and submit to Christ when I serve and submit to my husband-rather than defy him. This is not an easy thing for me to grasp, let alone practice.

What Would I Want in My Eulogy?

I am taking a course called Perspectives on Death and Dying. For this class, we were required to journal about how we want to live our lives (i.e. what do I want people to remember about me?). The following is what I wrote.

Faith
Most importantly, I would want to have served Christ with my whole life—recklessly and wholeheartedly. I think it would be awesome to get to die for the gospel (if I am even worthy of that honor). I don’t want Christ to be ashamed of me, but rather that I would faithfully serve him.

Family
I want to love my husband, and I want to love my children in a way that I am willing to make great sacrifices for them. If I go before my husband, I want to have loved him in such a way that a second wife would never compare (though, I freely give my full permission for him to remarry)! I want to raise my children so that they can never say their mother didn’t spend enough time with them or that she didn’t answer their “why” questions.

Friends
I hope people will say that I wasn’t afraid of anything, that I wasn’t afraid to take risks and try new things. I want to live my life in a way that everyone I encounter can honestly know I didn’t gossip or cheat or lie while I was alive. I want to share wise advice whenever I can, never watering things down just to make people feel better; but I hope I never think of myself as wise.

Career
I want them to say I was multi-talented. I hope that I do not use all my resources in a single dead-end job for the rest of my life, but rather that I experience the whole gamut of what my talents will let me do. I hope I allow myself to be real with people and experience relationships—experience the bad and the good. I hope I let myself get hurt and that I see the positive when I do get hurt. I hope I’ll be remembered as a happy woman. Something I have already instituted in my everyday life is constant smiling in an attempt to make everyone else’s day better, everyday.

What I want to leave behind…
I want to travel all over the world, if I can. Being remembered as a world-traveler would make me seem mysterious and exciting to my grandchildren! I want to leave behind a gazillion photos for them to dig through along with my artwork, journals and souvenirs from my world travels. And finally, over the years, as I try recipes I want to make them my own and leave them behind for others to enjoy and remember: “Man, could that woman cook!”

Today has been very emotionally taxing. I feel as though I have been crying for a week. I attended the funeral of the father of two dear friends. He was killed in Iraq by small arms fire while leading a convoy across the desert. In addition to what I estimated to be around 1000 friends and family members, there were some unwelcome guests. A group of people from Nebraska came to protest his funeral and stood outside the church during the visitation last night. They believe that God is letting our soldiers die because of homosexuals in the army and because they fight for a country which allows homosexuality. What those crazy beliefs even have to do with the man who died I can't understand. They were outnumbered by far by a group called the patriot riders. They are a biker gang with chapters all over the country that goes to these funerals to protect the family peacefully. They believe it is the right thing to do, because we all know how our men in uniform were treated when they returned from Vietnam. They wan't to make sure that doesn't happen again.
I believe this man, like Christ, died for people who hated him. People in the US and Iraq that hate American soldiers. What greater love could there be?

"Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

Right now I am sitting in the library contemplating people who claim to follow Christ, but as soon as they are tempted by sin they will try to justify it to the world. They twist God's word to say what they want it to say. Some Pastors even avoid these subjects. I am most disgusted when I realize it is me who is doing this. We lie to ourselves and lie to people's faces so we will not have to face the truth we know in our hearts...because no one wants to 'fess up to their sin. There is something in the human condition that makes it unnatural for us examine our own misgivings and tell God that He was right. We were wrong. We cannot even do right without his help.

But, there is something really wrong when the church as a whole allows it to go on. We say nothing to our pewmate who is getting a divorce. They are doing damage to their own hearts and souls and we stand by...hoping someone else is counseling them...praying for them.

Today, we spit on the Bible by letting people who are OPENLY, UNREPENTANTLY living a life contrary to what God commands us to do stay in our churches every Sunday without so much as a word of reproach. We will even allow them to be our leaders and pastors. We condone their lives of sin by biting our tongues. 1Timothy gives us guidelines for what an elder or a deacon ought or ought not be. Does anyone care? Does anyone care if Sally is gossiping about everything and anything? Does anyone care if Jim is destroying his family with his alcohol addiction? Does anyone care if Annie sleeps around or leaves her husband? Does anyone care if Jack marries Joe?

We don't dare tell them to repent, but I say how dare we not show the love of Christ by trying to reach out to their souls!??! Yes, I have done this. I've ignored the elephant in the room, too. I am admitting to it. Too often I have been a mere passerby in the lives of people I call "my brothers and sisters in Christ." I keep our conversations on the surface level, never daring to delve deeper into REAL relationship.

So, let us pray that this generation will be one that seeks out the things that are difficult. Let us seek higher things. Let us give up on being "proper" and may God call us to dance like David. Let us not be ashamed of God's law, whether it be proclaiming or obeying.

title from 1Corinthians 6:10 NKJ

1Timothy 1:19 says, "Cling tightly to your faith in Christ, and always keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked."

...and 1Timothy chapter 3 says, "It is a true saying that if someone wants to be an elder, he desires an honorable responsibility. For an elder must be a man whose life cannot be spoken against. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exhibit self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home and must be able to teach. He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, peace loving, and not one who loves money. He must manage his own family well, with children who respect and obey him. For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God's church? An elder must not be a new Christian, because he might be proud of being chosen so soon, and the Devil will use that pride to make him fall. Also, people outside the church must speak well of him so that he will not fall into the Devil's trap and be disgraced. In the same way, deacons must be people who are respected and have integrity. They must not be heavy drinkers and must not be greedy for money. They must be committed to the revealed truths of the Christian faith and must live with a clear conscience. Before they are appointed as deacons, they should be given other responsibilities in the church as a test of their character and ability. If they do well, then they may serve as deacons. In the same way, their wives must be respected and must not speak evil of others. They must exercise self-control and be faithful in everything they do.
A deacon must be faithful to his wife, and he must manage his children and household well. Those who do well as deacons will be rewarded with respect from others and will have increased confidence in their faith in Christ Jesus."
-New Living Translation

Multiply

It has been quite some time since I posted anything here, but here goes. I have had a very lazy, boring summer...which was exactly what I needed. I am now way pumped that it is August again and time to go back to school (I will totally miss UNI when I am done in December). It has also been a very poor summer. The width of my pinky finger is how far away we have been from being completely broke all summer long. I do not regret it though. It is just one more thing God has used to teach me countless lessons--like empathy for the poor. It is amaing how little you need to get by. I find myself thinking There isn't anything I am really in need of.
Yeah, there have been a lot of days when I had to eat something I didn't want to, but I haven't gone hungry. It has been so good for me to have had to make adjustments to discipline my lifestyle. This summer I got to connect with a coworker who, like myself, has been keeping her head just above water. She also has just one vehicle between her husband and herself. She lives in a small space and certainly can't afford many things she'd like to have. These are all things we have in common.

One more thing we have in common is that, despite our circumstances, we are generally happy. A lot of the people in my life are still convinced that a person's happiness correlates directly with the number of figures in one's bank account. If that is true, why are so many rich people in therapy?

On a different note, I would like to talk about something very dear to my heart. I want my brothers and sisters in Christ to be aware of why my husband and I have decided to stop using the pill or any other form of hormonal birth control such as an IUD, the patch etc. While the mainline of defense against pregnancy that these birth controls use is to keep a woman from ovulating, it is still possible for her egg to be fertilized. Because these forms of birth control alter the lining of the uteris so that the fertilized egg cannot attach itself to the uteris (this usually happens around 2 weeks after conception), this small life is just flushed out of the body during her monthly cycle. Now, the FDA defines "conception" as the point when the fertilized egg attaches itself to the lining of he uteris, not simply the fertilization of the egg. For consumers, that means the package label can be very misleading. Also, these hormonal birth controls can do crazy things to women's bodies.

On a moral level I consider this to be abortion. I urge you all to consider this very seriously. Also, know that before the 1930s, all Christian churches rejected any type of birth control. For nearly all of Christian history "Be fruitful and multiply" was the rule.