What I got myself into...

Life is hard. Jesus is not a crutch for the weak. Jesus is not religion.

I find there are a lot of things in my life I complain about that I am not in any position to be complaining about. I get myself into these messes and try to place blame. I place blame on my parents or on my husband all the time. I should have known when I decided to follow Christ what I was getting myself into. I take that back--I DID know what I was getting myself into. I counted the cost, becuase I knew I would face rejection from my family. When I took my first missions trip to Turkey, only my in-laws supported me. I was scorned by my family. Following Christ means hardship and getting looked down on and maybe even getting killed. People say that this kind of life is a crutch for the weak, but that is false. This IS the difficult path. I am not allowed to drown my sorrows in alcohol. I have to be selective with what I watch on TV. I have to be wise with my tongue. I have to choose to love people that aren't very loveable. I have to strive toward righteousness daily. Now THAT'S hard.

Make no mistake. It is road filled with more joy and fulfillment than anything else I could imagine...and the Spirit allows me to do whatever needs to be done.

The Next Three Years of My Life

So, my husband and I had a discussion today about, basically, the next 3 years of our lives. What I want is to settle down as a mom and maybe do freelance graphic design work for a little extra income. What he wants is to do as many crazy things as possible that spend as much of the money we don't have as possible like: going to China, going to grad school etc.
Okay, maybe I am making this out to be something it's not. I had told him today that he wasn't being considerate of what I want and that he was only thinking about the short term. We talked some more and then I thought about it. It occurred to me that exactly the opposite is closer to the truth. If he stops with the degree he has now, then his option would be to go into the military(and then we'd have a long-distance marriage and possibly leave behind orphans and a widow) or work in some job he hates for an income that would not support the number of children we want. But if he gets his master's of divinity he can work for a church or a ministry and make us both happy while supporting our family. I get my head so full of ideas about what I want that I seldom stop to think that maybe his plan could make sense or maybe it even does match with God's plan.
Who am I to say where either direction would take us? Maybe there's even a third direction that we will go down instead. I promised my husband that I would support him in whatever decision is made. That was something I promised a long time ago. I am bound to that. . . even though I can't see what is coming. . .
In three years will I be a missionary in another country? Will I be ministering in the inner city? Will I be a military wife? What I think is suppoosed to happen has proven unreliable. Even though right now I see myself being called to motherhood as my ministry, that tugging on my heart may have to wait.

One Hope Left

The name of this blog...

I think that as humans we have innate desires for things like love, joy, something to devote yourself to.....and something to look forward to--to place your hope in. I have found in my short 21 years on this earth that many of the things I looked to for hope and love have let me down. Money leaves a person greedy and unhappy. Empty sexual relationships will leave you empty. Even my husband cannot satisfy that craving in me. As much as he has been a wonderful partner for me, when I put all my hope in him he still let's me down. And this list goes on. It leaves just one thing for me to put my hope in. There is one place I can get a love that will not--cannot fail.
The reason I call this blog "One Hope Left" is because Jesus is the one who gives perfect love and satisfies my heart in a way this world cannot. No matter what happens I still have Heaven to look forward to and absolutely nothing can take that away from me. "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39 KJV).